rebelvoyagesLust and Love: Why You Can’t Tell the Difference (And What to Do About It)
Be honest—are you in lust or in love? Can you tell the difference? How many times have you caught yourself staring at someone, wondering if this could be it, or if it’s just your hormones playing tricks? Are you thinking about a future, or just imagining what they look like naked? Let’s cut to the chase: love and lust are two totally different things, but they have one thing in common—they both make us do crazy things. So, which one is running the show in your brain right now? Don’t worry, we’re about to break it all down. Let’s dive into the wild world of lust and love and break down exactly what’s going on in that head of yours when you can’t stop thinking about someone.
Phase One: The Firestarter – When Lust Takes Over
We all know the moment. You see someone, they walk by, your heart skips a beat, and suddenly it’s like the world goes into slow motion. All you can think is, “Wow, I want that.”Yep, that’s lust talking. Lust is raw, intense, and completely physical. Lust is that primal, gut-punch reaction that says, “I want you now,” and guess what? Your body is all in. Lust is nature’s way of keeping the species going. Testosterone and estrogen are doing their thing, and before you know it, you’re thinking more about what’s under their clothes than what’s on their mind. But don’t worry—it’s biology, not a sign that you’re shallow.
Lust doesn’t care about shared interests or your future vacation plans—Nope, lust just wants to get you both under the sheets as fast as possible.
But don’t confuse lust with love. Lust burns hot and fast, but if it doesn’t evolve, it fizzles out just as quickly. It’s like a fireworks show—spectacular, but over before you know it. Enjoy the sparks, but don’t mistake them for something more lasting… yet.
Lust vs. Love: What’s the Difference?
Now, here’s where things get tricky: how do you tell if it’s love or lust? Let’s get real. Lust is like a snack or a sugar rush—it’s intense, immediate, and leaves you wanting more. It’s driven by physical attraction and that “gotta have you” feeling. The signs? Obsessing over their body, replaying every flirty text, daydreaming about… yummie! well, you know, and not really caring what their favorite movie is.You want them, but do you really know them?
Love, on the other hand, is like a full-course meal. It’s slow, filling, and leaves you satisfied long after the excitement dies down. With love, you actually care about the person’s well-being, what makes them laugh, and how they like their coffee. The big sign? You’re interested in their quirks, not just their looks. If you find yourself thinking about their personality as much as their body, congrats—you’re sliding into love territory.
So, next time you catch yourself drooling over someone, ask yourself: Am I only into them when they’re around? Or do I think about them even when they’re not looking their best, like that time they showed up in sweatpants and bed hair? If the answer is yes, you’re probably falling in love. If it’s a no… well, you might just be lusting hard.
Phase Two: Obsession Central – Your Brain on Lust and Love
Lust is fun, but if someone starts living in your head, and every little text they send makes your heart skip a beat, congratulations—you’ve entered the attraction phase. This is where lust meets obsession, and it’s one wild ride.
Your brain is basically on drugs—dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin—it’s all rushing around making you feel like this person is the only one in the universe. It’s like a biological high. Suddenly, you’re losing sleep, replaying every conversation, and turning into a low-key stalker on social media. We’ve all been there.
And this is where it gets tricky. Are you obsessed with their body or their mind? If it’s both, you’re probably juggling love and lust at the same time. Good luck getting any work done!
Phase Three: The Slow Burn – When Lust Cools, and Love Takes Over
After the fireworks of love and lust start to settle, you hit what I like to call the “slow burn.” If you’re still in it for the long haul, then congratulations, you’ve made it to love. This is where attachment kicks in. You’re no longer losing sleep over what they think of you, but you’d miss them if they were gone. This is where love really gets to shine. The hormones driving this? Oxytocin and vasopressin, the cuddle chemicals that make you feel warm, fuzzy, and in love. It’s when you realize that the person sitting next to you, even on your worst days, is the one you want to stick around.
This phase is all about love, not lust. You’ve moved past the “oh-my-god-they’re-hot” phase and are now deeply invested in the person themselves. They’re your partner in crime, your confidant, and the one you can call even when you’re a hot mess.
Why Do Lust and Love Fade?
Now, here’s the million-dollar question: why can’t the whole love and lust thing last forever? Well, Dr. Helen Fisher has a theory. Love, in its romantic form, was designed by evolution to last just long enough to get a baby through the rough toddler years. After about four years, the chemicals that once kept you obsessed start to fade. The dopamine high? Gone. The constant need to touch them? Eased up.
This is why divorce rates spike around the four-year mark. Lust fades, love cools down, and if there’s nothing left, couples drift apart. Of course, some couples make it through this phase and settle into a deeper, more enduring kind of love. But without that balance of lust and love, things can get stale.
Serial Monogamy: The Eternal Love Cycle
Let’s be honest, humans are pretty much built for serial monogamy. We pair up, ride the waves of lust and love, and then when the spark fades, we move on to the next big thing. It’s biology, plain and simple. Dr. Fisher suggests this cycle is how we evolved—to reproduce, raise kids, and then, when the excitement dies down, find someone new. Sound familiar?It’s why dating, breaking up, and moving on is just part of the game.
Serial monogamy lets you ride the rollercoaster of love and lust again and again. This is why we keep chasing that thrilling “new relationship energy”—it’s the lust we crave, but we hope to hold on long enough for love to kick in. It’s exhausting, but hey, that’s the game.
Culture and Media Turn Up the Heat
While your brain is running the show, culture definitely adds some extra spice to the love and lust cocktail. From soap operas to social media, the way we experience love and lust is heavily shaped by the world around us. Maybe you’re falling for someone who checks all the boxes, you’re just hooked on how hot they are—either way, culture and the media influence how we chase and express both love and lust.
But even with all that external influence, your brain and body are the real drivers. So next time you find yourself obsessing over someone or getting that heart-racing, knee-weakening feeling, just remember—whether it’s love or lust, your brain’s chemicals are working overtime.
The Bottom Line: Lust and Love—Two Sides of the Same Coin
Here’s the truth—lust and love may be two different forces, but they’re playing the same game. Lust is quick, fiery, and thrilling, but love is deep, steady, and built to last. You might start with lust, but if you’re lucky, it’ll turn into love—just don’t expect it to be an easy ride.
So, the next time you catch yourself in the middle of a hot fling or a cozy romance, ask yourself: Is this lust? Is it love? Or could it be both? Whatever the answer, buckle up—because lust and love are two sides of the same wild, unpredictable coin. Either way, enjoy the ride.
